Chasing Rainbows
by patientalien
Summary: Ben helps Lucas begin to come to terms with his parents' decision to put him on the seaQuest


Lucas sat cross-legged on his bed - unmade, covered in notebooks, computer disks, and other... well, stuff. He needed to talk; I could tell that right off. He didn't need to tell me, or even ask anymore. Never really did, come to think of it. With Lucas I could always just sort of tell. I knew he hated to ask for anything, but whenever I offered to listen, he spilled whatever he had been holding back for weeks on end. And I knew he felt better for it, basically meaning I had done my job. I think the only time Lucas came to me *asking* to talk was a couple months ago... He had sounded so desperate... terrified is more like it... I never mentioned the encounter to anyone - might've hinted to Katie, but never outright said anything. I knew Lucas told me for a reason: he knew I would keep his secret. And I did. So did Lucas; he never mentioned it again - not to me, not to anyone. We didn't discuss it again, and life went back to normal. 

"Hi, Ben," he said quietly, subdued, staring at the wall behind me. 

"Hey," I replied. I sounded cheerful, as usual. Can I help it that I come across as being "excessively happy," as Lucas once called me? I twirled Lucas' chair around and sat down, facing him. 

"What're you doin' here?" Lucas asked. As if he didn't know. As if he hadn't been moody and despondant all day. As if he wasn't practically screaming for attention. Maybe Lucas didn't even realize what he was doing, but I did. Something was up. 

"I'm bored. Thought you might wanna chat." Lame excuse. I'm full of those. Lucas didn't notice, just kind of shrugged. "So..." I was opening the forum, Lucas just needed to say something. 

"So...what?" Lucas asked. He was bound and determined to make this hard on me. 

"So do you want to talk?" And *I* was bound and determined to find out what was wrong. 

Lucas shrugged again. "Yeah, I guess." Well, it was better than nothing, right? At least there was a bit of a response. 

I leaned forward a little. "What's goin' on?" I asked. 

Lucas stared at his hands for a minute or two. "It's been a year," he said softly. 

A year? A year since what? "Huh?" Not the most intelligent thing for me to say, but it got the point across: I had no idea what he was talking about. 

"A year since I was dumped here," Lucas answered tiredly. Oh. Well, that would explain a few things. "Exactly a year today. Didn't even ask what I thought. Didn't *care* what I thought." He sighed. "It's been a year and he hasn't called *once*. Not *once*." 

Man, what was I supposed to say to *that*? My main problem in dealing with certain people - Katie, in particular - is that I always end up saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and getting them seriously pissed off at me. Normally with Lucas, it wasn't a problem, because he generally knew what I was trying to say, and wasn't very sensitive to stuff like that. Normally. But there were times like this, when I could tell Lucas was very upset, that I didn't dare say anything that might sound even slightly insulting and thoughtless. 

Luckily, I didn't have to say anything because Lucas continued with barely a beat in between thoughts. "You'd think he'd call... you know, just to make sure I was still alive or whatever... But he didn't. Probably forgot about me, like everyone else. Mom never called either - I don't know if she even realizes I'm gone. Probably not. Never noticed when I *was* around, why should she notice that I'm gone? She was always out doing something, shopping, whatever... never noticed me except if she caught me doing something I shouldn't have been doing..." Lucas sighed and shrugged. "Dunno what I expect." 

I still didn't really know what to say, but Lucas had stopped taking and I knew I had to say *something*. I just hoped I wouldn't botch it up too badly. "You expect what every normal family has," I told him, thinking about the wording as I said it. It didn't sound *too* thoughtless, so I continued. "Parents who care about you. But you don't have that." Aw man... that was bad. But I figured I may as well finish digging the hole I was getting myself into. "I mean... well, you only expect what you should be getting and aren't." Great, Krieg. Way to make the problem worse. "Well... what I mean is... umm..." 

Lucas tried laughing, but it came out halfway between a laugh and a sob. "I know what you mean," he said, even though I could tell he was thinking about what I had *said*, not what I had *meant*. "It's just... it's like every time I get close to something... it just kind of disappears and re-appears, only when it re-appears, it's even further away than before." 

"What is?" Once again, I had been so worried about my tactlessness that I had completely lost Lucas' train of thought. 

Lucas blinked and considered for a minute before saying, "Family. You know, just kinda... something... someone..." He shrugged. 

Well, *this* I figured I could say something about without completely screwing it up. "But you do. I mean, not biological or antrhing... But Captain Bridger's pretty much adopted you, same with Westphalen. Katie adores you..." I considering going on and on about how the entire boat admired him - I had a really sappy "It's a Wonderful Life"-type speech in mind, but I didn't have to use it - not all of it, at least. 

Lucas nodded softly. "Yeah," he said finally. "Yeah, but... I just wish..." 

I nodded too. "I know," I told him. "But sometimes its not worth wasting your energy wishing when you've got all sorts of great stuff around you already." 

Lucas sighed and we sat in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't really an awkward silence, but it was a silence. Silence isn't one of my strong points. "Wanna watch a movie?" Lucas asked. I knew that meant the conversation was over and was never going to be mentioned again. That was just how Lucas operated: got out what needed getting out and left it at that. 

"Sure," I replied, and smiled. I was glad to see Lucas return the smile. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
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